Normally I don’t offer a preface to what I have to say, but today I am identifying the intended audience for the discussion which follows.
Greetings men, gentlemen, pirates, misogynists and other evil-subhumans. Welcome.
You are all addicts. Some of you are recovering, others of you are daily servicing your addiction, with awareness, and others without any awareness. But you, brother of mine – are an addict, just as I am.
It’s not crack cocaine, it’s not heroin, it’s not methadone, or anything else usually recognized as an addictive or dangerous substance. You are addicted to pussy.
Stated more precisely, you are addicted to women. Women are the drug which keeps you on your chain. Conversely, you may be recovering from addiction. In such case, women are the drug which kept you on your chain. Much of the mainstream’s narrative aimed at you is intended to put you back into active service.
The path to recovery from your addiction is not easy, nor is it short. In fact, it is a permanent project. But you will enjoy prompt and increasing benefit as you pursue the self discovery that breaking an addiction requires.
As a starting factor in the addiction, men compete with one another for sexual opportunity and women select from those who compete. Women are the selectors in human reproduction. The same dynamic is present in much of the animal kingdom but, in humans, the power of selection is a great advantage which gives women control. We’ve known this for awhile.
Besides selecting who reproduces and who doesn’t, women also control the raising of children. For most readers of this article, it was women and who shaped you, educated you, and ruled you as you grew from an infant to a youth and into adulthood.
Women are the majority of teachers in public and private schools. In short, you were raised and trained by women. It is women who supplied you with your identity of good man or bad man, whichever you might be. Your continued standing as a “real” man or a “creep” depends to a large degree on your relationships to the women who surround you. Your identity is not your own. It’s an illusion supplied to you by your pusher.
Like it or not, you were hooked from early childhood and, recovering or not, you are, like me, an addict to your supply.
But you don’t have to keep seeking your fix. You have a choice.
The rest of this discussion lists a few choices you can make that lead away from addiction and towards breaking your destructive habit.
The look of seduction.
The female look of seduction is a nearly universal feature of the media-saturated landscape we all inhabit. It’s a look used to sell everything from hair colouring to new cars. The feminine look of seduction is found equally in porn and in mainstream marketing.
But what does that look communicate?
Whatever we call it, feminine guile, female manipulation, this look is a commercialized and amplified version of female seduction in the real world. But to a recovering addict, it doesn’t say “I want you, I’ll do anything for you” that look says “you are my lunch”.
A woman modelling that look is a predator. To clarify, this is not a sexually liberated woman, this is the angler-fish, a deep sea predator with a glowing fin as its lure, drawing prey towards its mouth. The prey believes it has found a tasty morsel of food until the angler’s jaws are closing and it’s too late to escape. In the relationship between the seductive woman and the female-attention seeking man, he is her lunch.
But for most men, a woman who tilts her head, lowers her eyelids, drops one shoulder and turns her come-hither gaze on him is almost irresistible. The reaction most men feel is gut-deep and compelling.
So, how does an individual address his own spinal reflex of attraction, and take conscious control of his own reactions?
The answer will vary for individuals, but begins with awareness of the dynamic. For a man breaking your own addiction, a conscious will to manage your reactive impulses will change your instinctive responses. As the author of this article, it took me years to do this. But I am not a special person. Anyone can re-write their own instincts and socialized behaviours.
Seeing masters and slaves.
Men and women, boyfriends and girlfriends, husbands and wives. What is visible looking at men and women together is their body language. Who walks a step behind, who’s shoulders are slumped? Who, in public, initiates aggression against their partner? Who is left to wait, as a servant, holding a purse while their partner shops for shoes?
A few weeks of conscious observation will alter your perception of the distribution of power between the sexes. What you might have known only subconsciously will be overtly visible and obvious and your newly conscious knowledge can inform your decisions and your ongoing interactions. Knowledge is power and power over yourself is the only legitimate form.
If you are in a relationship, here are some simple questions to contemplate.
Who is buying expensive gifts in this relationship?
Who is making significant sacrifice for small or trivial benefits to the other?
In considering these questions, it’s not whether each party sacrifices for the other, but that the scope of sacrifice to benefit are not symmetrical.
All human beings have the same basic needs. The Maslow hierarchy of needs offers us a scale by which these needs are sorted into priority. Basic survival needs, such as breathing and eating occupy the bottom level. Needs like self actualization and self esteem sit higher up in the scale.
In most sexual relationships, trade offs between men and women take place asymmetrically between different Maslow levels. Women address their own higher Maslow scale issues, while men address lower level needs. This is, coincidentally or not, the dynamic of masters and slaves.
Touch in the workplace.
Unless you have a dangerous job, in forestry, fishing, construction or mining, you likely work with women. You don’t touch them. Rather, you likely don’t initiate physical contact, but women do. If you approach a female co-worker you do not caress her arm or back with your hand when speaking to her. Not, at least, without risking a workplace harassment claim. But your female co-workers can, and likely do put their hands on you on a regular basis. This is how you are granted status among females in your place of employment. If the women touch you, you’re okay. If they don’t, you’re not in good standing.
Women are in control of the social narrative, and touch is theirs to give or withhold. Men in a workplace are emphatically not in control of this physical touch hierarchy. It’s necessary to point out that this is not sexual touching under discussion. The only men in a workplace who may initiate physical contact with male or female workers are bosses. Initiating touch in a work environment is a display of dominance.
Unfortunately, men objecting to unwanted touching from female co-workers are in a difficult position. The social dominance of touch by women is not recognized in a climate described as patriarchy.
A man objecting to this psychological control is seen as unbalanced, belligerent and threatening. This will be you, if you reject her touch, and the undertone of her dominance.
When a female co-worker strokes your back as if you are a pet, stiffen your body in displeasure. That is all. Let her register your discomfort at her violation of your personal space. This communication through body posture is not for her benefit, it is for yours. You have no need to explain yourself. You are breaking your own addiction.
Envision her as a man.
To escape responsibility for their bad behavior, women often skate away from responsibility on excuses supplied by the men around them – men like you. We do not entertain the same excuses for men when they behave badly yet we do support a narrative of excuse making for women. And you have done this too. Your addiction to female approval is what drives this behavior. Excusing the antisocial and sometimes violent conduct of women is not only harmful to the community in which it occurs, men’s role in constructing such excuses make it destructive to their own lives. This double standard creates cognitive dissonance. The simplest way to avoid such self inflicted dissonance is to evaluate the conduct of friends and co-workers as if they are all men. Would you cut her that much slack if she were male?
These few minor shifts in perspective are not the only things you can do. Identifying some of the specifics of male addiction to females can put you on the path of breaking your addiction. This is where men must learn to disregard feminine indignation. How dare you stop allowing yourself to be controlled by female approval?
Your addiction benefits your suppliers, so they will be indignant as you decline your next fix. Indeed, the culture we inhabit is in the indignation stage as the men-on-strike phenomenon grows. If “how dare you” does not shame men back into the addiction our culture finds so useful, the indignation will become outrage. As you shed your addiction, the outrage of a culture which has grown accustomed to your addiction will likely manifest in law. It starts with shaming and will expand to force. Will you be ready?
You didn’t think this would be easy, did you?