shady brunette

Them Bitches be Shady

Publisher’s Note:

Rather than welcoming a new contributor at Community Organized Compassion and Kindness, I’d like to welcome back a friend. Natasha Douglas is a writer, videographer and a powerful voice in her own right. After a brief hiatus, she has chosen to use C.O.C.K. as her platform for a few timely observations.

~JH

Very early in my time learning about men’s rights issues I came across what turned out to be a common complaint. I have seen this dozens of times since then. It is voiced in different words each time but in its most basic terms men were complaining that Female Men’s Rights Activists (MRAs) are given too much recognition for speaking about men’s issues.

It confused me that men would actually complain about a woman voicing her support of men’s issues and having people listen to her. It seemed absurd. If a blonde German citizen stood up to speak up for the rights of Jewish people in Nazi Germany did Jews throw their bagels at her? When a white American stood up for the civil rights of blacks, did black people throw their grape drink in her face? If an Israeli speaks up for Palestinians do Palestinians start flinging their couscous?

No! Of course not. Why, then is it so common to see men in the Men’s Rights Movement (MRM) complaining about the same thing? I was baffled by the phenomena. How could so many men take issue with women who are just trying to help? How backwards and crazy is that?

Well, call me backwards and crazy, but now two years onwards, I agree with those complaints.

My first logical error was the assumption that the efforts of female MRAs are equal to the efforts of other activists. Surely, the simple act of speaking against ones own advantages is noble in itself. But this is not the case. Both historically and currently, anyone taking part in a civil rights struggle knowingly risks social ruin at best and death at worst.

This is not so for female MRAs. Personally, I’ve lost a few friends and some people just don’t discuss politics with me anymore, but I have suffered no repercussions beyond that. I don’t feel it is necessary for me to avoid discussing men’s rights even with complete strangers and I do it fearlessly. No one is going to harm me, people aren’t going to start hauling their children to the other side of the street when I approach. Only one person in two years has even attempted to harm me for speaking about men’s rights and she was violent and unstable long before that conversation occurred. I can say with confidence that nothing I have said has put me at risk.

In comparison, men addressing their own issues face a significant array of dangers. The fact that many men who discuss their issues take measures to protect their identities is revealing. They are not fighting for fame. These men are knowingly assuming risks in order to make things better. Those speaking publicly, expose themselves to social censure, black-listing, harassment, and fabricated criminal accusations. In the face of such attack, they persist, that is what gives their message weight. However, the recognition given to a woman who merely repeats the same messages, rivals and even trumps the attention given to men. She need not worry her pretty little head over adding a single original thought to the conversation.

Any one who receives excessive praise voicing a philosophy they don’t even fully understand risks believing their own hype. The unearned praise that female MRAs operate within has some behavioural consequences; They become vapid self indulgent cunts. Women who arrive at fame by repeating the words of others quickly learn that if they blurt out ideas contrary to the philosophy they have been preaching, men will be eager to come to their rescue. They don’t even have to defend themselves. This requires no sinister intent or purposeful infiltration.

When intention is added to this process it is a technique known as mirroring. This covers a range behaviours from the imitation of motions to obtaining verbal or mental agreement from the target. When you start agreeing with someone, you subconsciously want to keep agreeing with them – even when an idea is introduced which would have been rejected otherwise. This method of influencing others discourages disagreement which would disrupt the harmony. It’s human nature to be agreeable when you believe you are among friends.

Men within the men’s movement are not immune to this effect. This is the exact dynamic that makes men unknowing slaves to women and other fraudsters. In addition to these problems, female MRAs cheerfully accept unearned glorification and influence offered to them. They make no effort to redirect the recognition to the men they’ve borrowed from. They coast on the work of men who have assumed all of the risks.

Does this mean that you should automatically mistrust all female support for men’s issues? The short answer is, yes. The long answer is also yes. If you start from suspicion you are more likely to notice when you encounter a mimic. If you maintain your suspicion you will notice when a conflicting idea is introduced and you will be less likely to accept it without question.

Pay attention to which issues she voices most. There are some men’s issues that segue neatly to traditional conservative ideals. Male reproductive rights is one of them. You can give men the right to quit parental responsibilities, and this will offer protection from ‘oops’ fatherhood for single men. It will do very little for married men whose rejection of fatherhood equates to a rejection of marriage and will likely result in threats of child support and alimony.

Does she walk the walk or does she just repeat the talk? If your female MRA or NAWALT has a husband, does she trade sexual favours for material gain – like a prostitute? Does she turn discussion from men’s issues to conversation about herself? When she’s under fire, can she defend herself or does she need you to save her?

I know you want women to be your equals. In fact, you want this so badly that you’re willing to overlook evidence that they are faking it.

The question to ask yourself is not if her opinion is interesting because she’s a woman but whether it would be as interesting if she were a man.

4 thoughts on “Them Bitches be Shady”

  1. It is impossible to know how selfless anyone’s motives are. In the case of women advocating for men, I’ll take their help gladly, and give thanks for their effort, regardless of their reasons for getting involved. Female MRAs are giving their time and energy to the movement (precious commodities for all of us) and getting results in greater visibility and media awareness, and so are a positive force.

  2. I’ve recently started wondering about the shadiness of “anti-feminists,” which I know may run me afoul of Diana and Karen Straughan. But here’s the rub; these are squabbles of historical gripes amongst WOMEN, not much to do with men or men’s issues. Karen often immediately starts out her talks with “I know you brought me on to talk about men’s issues, but instead I’m going to talk about feminism.” Wait–what? While I don’t doubt that Karen has some good ideas, why should we be giving any more credence to fundamentalists of any stripe? Is it any more boring to have a speaker on the atheism circuit to talk about rational inquiry, only to have them prattle on about how stupid religious people are? It serves no purpose except continuing to give feminists ATTENTION, and that’s what they so desperately crave anyway. Where are the men in a diatribe against feminism? They aren’t there, supplanted from their own forum by the shrill back-and-forth bickering of two different groups of attention hogs. They really should just stop dicking about and get a room, leaving actual MRAs to have an actual discussion about MEN for a change.

  3. Question: Are the opinions expressed those of a woman?

    Answer: Yes.

    Action: Ignore everything she says, regardless of the position she claims she holds.

  4. I can speak only for myself as one man, but my own perspective is that men’s subservience to women is much more deeply ingrained that are issues regarding race. I doubt, for example, that even during the height of slavery any black person would have willingly and enthusiastically supported white supremacy. By contrast it is quite common to find a male feminist (and their numbers are growing) supporting women taking over the world–while still retaining their traditional areas of power in the home and interpersonal spheres.

    Yes, black people have been treated very badly in the past and in many ways still are (there is a very high percentage of young black men in contact with the criminal justices system in some way)–but the difference is that they almost always KNOW when they are being treated badly. I’m not so sure that men even know when women are asserting their power over men.

    I’ve just today found this site. I’m interested in the message being promoted on this site. But I was also a bit concerned that the first two most recent postings both happen to come from women. I am concerned that even men’s rights activists seem to feel they ultimately need the support and approval of women.

    In my opinion women’s support of men’s rights issues is welcome, but for it to be empowering for men, I want to be hearing mostly–not necessarily exclusively–from men. I don’t mean this in a physical sense because I’m only physically attracted to women. The feminist movement has traditionally been led by women with some level of male support; I think for men’s rights to work it needs to be led by men with some level of female support.

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